Stripped

Men Vs Women

2006-01-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Women as we all know and are aware of have gone through many transitional periods since the olden days. Their placings in society and their standards have been more recognised nowadays if compared to the 18th century. Women are given more say now and have a voice or view of their own in certain issues. In order words, we have seen the emancipation of women.

Dating back in the olden days, we know women are not what we see them as today. They were tagged with this stigma that they should be at home, taking care of the children and ensuring that the house was kept and well-maintained. Women were not allowed to seek income for the family, needless to say air their views in public. They should be confined to the four walls and listen to their husbands.

However, changes took place especially during the Enlightenment and the Renaissance periods. These two important periods marked the start of using logic and reasons to explain values and issues. People started making changes to their lives and started questioning. Naturally, more women became aware and felt that they should be heard too. Hence, during these periods, we can see the rise of female writers and authors which were not allowed before.

Even though it seemed that the women had more say now, but it was not all thoroughly true and accurate. Female writers, although had the liberty to write books, had to take up a pseudonym. In other words, they had to pose as men and take on names of men to conceal their identities as women. One good example would be George Elliot. Even in theatrical works, female roles were not acted by women themselves but young boys who could imitate the high-pitched voices of the females.

Soon, we can see that women became increasingly prominent in society throughout the years till now, the new millenium, women are considered to be empowered with the essential knowledge and skills, comparable to men. However, women these days, though given the freedom of speech, are still not satisfied.

Women, in present times, have a totally different pursuit. They pursue to be on par with men as they feel that they are not given equal rights and opportunities like their male counterparts.

This, hence, resulted in the case of Aminah Wadud.

Aminah Wadud, recently caused a stir in the Islam world. She had done what was considered wrong in the eyes of Islam. She had led a prayer, where men were present. This is considered as blasphemous. Her reason for doing so: she felt that not only men can lead prayers but women too. Thus, women should be given the same equal rights.

Therefore, in response to this, an article was written in regarding the status of men and women and their responsibilities.

Women are constantly comparing themselves to men and how they are complaining that they are not given equal opportunities like men. They feel that they are at a losing end. Then let me ask, doesn't by saying this, women are actually acknowledging the fact that women are indeed weaker and that they have to be matched up to men? In other words, women are establishing men as their benchmarks or yardsticks to measure success and achievements. By default, they have already placed men to be at the top and so long as they do not match up to men, they will always be overshadowed.

What i personally feel is we as both men and women should understand our individual specified roles and responsibilities. We are created such that we have our own specialities and strengths. Thus, instead of focusing on our weaknesses, we should instead focus on our strengths and develop them further. As it implies, men and women, thus there ought to be a line that divides between these two genders and this is where the different roles come in.

Men and women have our own tasks to fulfil. We should not compare ourselves with each other. It is equivalent to comparing an apple with an orange. They maybe alike in terms of categories as fruits but they are different in taste, physical properties and inside as well. Likewise, men and women are humans but we are created differently with different features and physical attributes.

Therefore, we should stop lamenting on the fact that one gender is less superior than the other when in fact both genders are different and serve different purposes with different unique abilites.

2006

2005-12-31T19:57:00.000-08:00

As the new year beckons, i feel more and more delighted that 2005 has come to an end.
2005 has been indeed a roller-coaster ride (cliche but true).

2005 didn't start out well, reason being i didn't get admitted to TJC just by an effing 1 point. Got into TPJC instead and found out BEHOLD Malay Language Elective Program!

Wanted a change and decided to join track. Initially, i hated it but now, track is almost a second nature to me.
Being me, i decided to join Council. Made it into the Executive Committee.
Time spent in Council, i would say had it's own special moments each time. The drudgery and arduous projects and events we had to plan, the time spent in planning but at the end of it all, the efforts were paid off. The sweet satisfaction that derived from it was the best feeling ever. Looking back at what we had done, we could only smile to ourselves and pat our backs for the fantastic results, something we thought we could not have achieved but did in the end.

Definitely with all the time spent, we only bounded as a Council. The frequent visits to Pizza Hut and what-nots, the laughters and tears we shared will never be forgotten. Especially OLE.

As much as i have met people/friends that are truly dear to me, there are those that are out to wreck havoc and turn my life upside down, inside out. All i can say is well done! They have succeeded in accomplishing what they have set out to do, whether intentionally or unintentionally. I forfeit.

But one thing for sure, everytime i falter, that's when i grow even stronger.

To all these people, if you know who you are (which is a good thing) , just eff off. 2006 will be a good year for me. Don't come ruining it with your dirty tricks and snide remarks. And for that one particular person, time and time again, you've never failed to disappoint me. Blame it on my foolishness. Rest assured, it will never happen again.

2005 has been a tough time for my best friends and i.

Again, i just want to say i'm sorry if i had always turned down any hanging outs. Just remember one thing, my love for you guys has never and will never change cause the friends you find in Secondary school are undoubtedly the best. Period.

Enough said about 2005

HELLO 2006 =)

2005-11-24T21:44:00.000-08:00

Bought Christina's "Just Be Free" FINALLY....
For your information, this album was recorded when she was only 14-15 years old. Albeit the fact that she's still too young, her voice never failed to shine through. At a tender age of 14-15 years old, i can safely say her voice quality is good, way better than Britney Spears even at the age of 20+. Shame on the latter.

What's with Christina, you would ask me. Well, one thing that's definite is her voice, no one's comparable to hers except Celine Dion and Whitney Houston, probably Siti Nurhaliza too. She has this soul in her voice that allures you, entices you to have more of her. Her voice gives this unexplained strength that grows in you. When you're down, her voice lifts you up. When you feel that you're all weak and useless, her voice hardens you and gives you these zest and energy that you just feel like standing right up and scream. It's this feeling inside. Her voice simply draws out every ounce of energy left and adds on to it. Awesome..

And yes....i learnt some disturbing news about you........................

2005-11-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

Kenapa dia yang kucinta
Sedangkan kutahu sikapnya begitu
Dia pandai berpura
Dan pandai bermain kata

Setahun bersama bak seribu tahun tersiksa

Aku tidak sudi melihat dia lagi
Walau dalam mimpi pun tidak kuingini

Biarkanlah kubegini dan tak mungkin kembali
Bersamamu.

Mengenalimu ialah satu keputusan yang kukesal buat selamanya.

2005-11-19T11:23:00.000-08:00

Looking back to yester years, i've discovered that i've definitely gone through a transitional period. So much about me has changed. For one, after what i've gone through during sec 3 and 4, which undoubtedly changed my life, have forced me to grow up and mature. If not for what had happened, i will probably still be this pent-up kid, frustrated with the little-est thing.

I remember myself being someone who couldn't keep his cool. Got angry over the smallest and stupidiest things in life. Hurling vulgarities back then was never a problem for me. In short, i had an attitude problem back then, a big one that is.

However, as time progresses, i realised that i have to change for the better. I have to be more rational and should not take things for granted. I learnt that some things would not stay the same way. We have to learn to let go eventually if it's not meant to be. Sure the learning part was tough, having to adjust to the new changes and to the fact that i could no longer depend on my father. What i have lost is worth for what i have gained which is a lot more. Cliche it may sound, you gain more than what you lose, so don't worry.

Picking up the broken pieces of my life, packing up what was left behind and pulling together and meeting the loose ends are what i have been doing and will still be doing. As each day passes, whatever happened has become but yet a memory, a memory that will continue to stay and linger through the years ahead. Thought it may seem distant but the pain feels like it was only yesterday.

As Christina Aguilera puts it in her song, "I'm Ok":
Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same.

Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that i wake, i look back to yesterday
I'm ok.

Running Away

2005-11-17T21:43:00.000-08:00

I don't want you to give it all up

And leave your own life collecting dust

And I don't want you to feel sorry for me

You never gave us a chance to be

And I don't need you to be by my side

To tell me that everything's alright

I just wanted you to tell me the truth

You know I'd do that for you

So why are you running away?

Cause I did enough to show you that I

Was willing to give and sacrifice

And I was the one who was lifting you up

When you thought your life had had enough

And when I get close, you turn away

There's nothing that I can do or say

So now I need you to tell me the truth

You know I'd do that for you

So why are you running away?

Why are you running away?

Is it me, is it you

Nothing that I can do

To make you change your mind

Is it me, is it you

Nothing that I can do

Is it a waste of time?

Is it me, is it you

Nothing that I can do

To make you change your mind

So why are you running away?

Why are you running away?

...What is it I've got to say...

So why are you running away?

...To make you admit you're afraid...

Why are you running away?

-captures what i really feel right now-

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

2005-11-16T23:02:00.000-08:00

Talking about magic, potions and cauldrons..........

Behold

Yes, yes, yes! The sneaks! I watched the sneaks preview of Harry Potter! Ok...not to spoil for the people out there (seeing i am the first few people who watched it way before everyone else.)The show is well.............Watch it and judge it for yourself...Lol.....The graphics are definitely the must watch reason!

Really drained out now. Ran 5km this morning at ECP. Went to Macs to binge. And yes by the way, i am an all-grow-fat diet right now. So i am binging as much carbo/proteins now! Hopefully i will grow a little buff-er and look more ermm....buff-er lol...my head is spinning now...ok...that's all

Off i go and fly...

Vingardium Leviosa

2005-11-15T23:02:00.000-08:00

Bought a t-shirt today at the shop at Bugis Street which cost $16. I am seriously in need of good-looking t-shirts. I am also looking around for a blazer, shoes (sneakers preferably), bags...

Will be watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire tomorrow at Tampines Mall with best friends. Before that, will be having track training in the morning at East Coast Park at 8am. Damn, i forgot to buy a sports towel. Damn it. What a poontash!

And yes, i bet none of you know that i possess this really cool book entitled: The Great Book of Insults. It has more than enough insults for others to last you a lifetime. Wait a minute, probably ten lifetimes. Yes, THAT many. Wanna take a look it? Tell me and i will show it to you.

Random thought for the day:

I'm vying for your attention but somehow i feel that i don't mean much to you. Maybe i'm too caught up with how i feel till i've failed to realise that i might not even have a place in your heart. Hmm...enlighten me.

With that, SO LONG SUCKERS

Detest

2005-11-15T00:15:00.000-08:00

This is a list of the people i detest:
(not in any order)
1) People who promised you something but they do not keep their word at it. In fact, they pretend or just simply forget about it.
2) People who do not reply your messages.
3) People who are nice to you at one point and then ignore you at another time.
4) People who are only nice to you cause they need help from you. Other than that, you're just chucked aside or simply clean forgotten.
5) People who don't appreciate what you have done for them, painstakingly or otherwise.
6) People who, in front of no one else be nice to you but in front of their friends, pretend that you do not breathe in this world. They call it "secret friends".
7) People treat you like your some doormat or hotel.
8) People who don't give a shit about you but expect you to care for them 24/7.
9) People who are insensitive to others' feelings.
10) People who try to be someone they are not. Their pretensions are so bad that they just irk you to the core.

That's about it. If there are more to come, i will add on.

Fresh look

2005-11-14T00:34:00.000-08:00

I've returned with a fresh look. New layout. All thanks to Shikin!

THANK YOU

Anyway, tell me how long have i been consulting the doctor regarding this illness of mine? Close to a year and i don't see any major improvements. I am getting really upset and disappointed. He told me it will go away within 6 months! Now it's close to a year! Probably it's all destined to be. Not that i hadn't tried. I have tried almost everything but it will still not go away. Tired. Damn it. I think i am cursed. Cursed to be like this. Is there really no help? Nothing at all. I hate this. HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

Fu*k!

Funny thing

2005-11-10T23:22:00.000-08:00

The most hilarious thing happened today. I was on the escalator in TM with these two Minas behind me. Thinking that i wasn't Malay, they started to bitch about me (apparently it's the Mina thing).

Mina 1: eh eh jantan nie kurus eh (this guy is so thin)
Mina 2: yeah. jantan peh kurus (guy so freaking thin)
Mina 1: beg pakai pun senget (the bag he carries is also "lopsided")
Mina 2: ah ah (yes yes)

So you can see. Being me, i wanted to turn around and said something nasty. However, i wasn't in the mood. Besides that, i couldn't even be bothered. I was amused with their actions. So readers out there, the next time you wanna comment on someone, might as well just say it in English cause you'll never know. Don't assume.

These few days have been rather fulfilling for me. Finally, i had the time to visit my godmother and spend my entire day there. Not much has changed since my godfather passed away some months ago. One thing for sure, she has grown much stronger as a person. Being there just gave me this tranquility that i longed for especially now. It's the aura in the house, the air. Cool, calm, composed and collected (the four Cs). I love it there.

I have got to get my ass working starting from next week. Lots of homework and revision to do. Next year is D-year. Off you go Internet. Been trying really hard to kick the addiction. I just can't seem to do it. I will try nonetheless.

Fine day

2005-11-06T00:40:00.000-08:00

It was a fine day! Went out with my besties first to Queensway Shopping Centre to look for my shoes then we went to town area where i got my first box bag! It's brown! Whee! Then met up with Kalis (another bestie) to have dinner at Cavana! Extremely expensive and not really that worth. Regret not going to Ricetable. Then we went down to Esplanade to sit around while listening to this Mexican group performing there. Really cool. A lot of spectators cheering for them.

This was when the mood was spoilt. One of my besties told me that i was defamed on someone's blog! How maddening is that! And whatever was written wasn't true at all! WTF

and what the hell, thanks hairianto for saying im a playboy... what the hell! seriously im not lah... bloody hell!

this is what was written!

Ok get this straight to the person who's guilty of this if you come across my blog:
1) i didn't say anything of that sort about you
2) why should i be talking about you? you're not some star
3) i can't be bothered to talk about you
4) you're not the least concern of the conversations i have with people
5) you're not popular in TPJC (jgn perasan)

PERIOD!

Hari Raya

2005-11-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

This year's Hari Raya is pathetic i must say. I don't have the feel of it anymore. Gone. Nil. Nada. No more looking forward to Hari Raya. No more having fun at relatives' houses. Nothing. It was like any other day except i am visiting and getting money. That's all. Now how pathetic is that?

Well, probably the only reason that i am looking forward to Hari Raya could probably be due to the fact that i am given back the liberty to eat in public and at any time of the day. I know it's "blasphemous" to think that way. Fasting is a blessing and the fasting month is the "holiest" time of the year. We should really make full use of the time during the fasting month to accumulate as much good deeds and blessings as possible. In short, we should be sad that the fasting month is coming to an end. So, with the end of the fasting month or otherwise known as Ramadhan, it signifies that the "holiest" month is over and not that we should stop performing good deeds but say that to perform the good deeds will be much more difficult now. Now, the real test starts.

Anyway, i was watching this show at RTM 1 ( a Malaysia channel). It was a conference held by the Muslim religious figures in Malaysia with the Malaysians at Johor regarding Hari Raya and how they celebrate it. However, the catch was that it was focused on the good old times. So there were people who were asked to share their experiences regarding their Hari Raya celebrations without their loved ones, if they had any. So there were many who said that the celebrations felt different and they will always be reminded of those who have left to be received in God's arms. Really touching and saddening that i teared while watching and hearing their stories.(they cried too) Many of them shared about their experiences about their fathers being no longer around. This clearly i can relate to.

I can still remember the past years Hari Raya where my whole family would get busy and prepare the house for the big day. The morning of Hari Raya itself. The visits to relatives' houses. Probably, that is the reason why i don't enjoy Hari Raya as much now. (since last year's) Nonetheless, what has happened i would say isn't entirely bad and my life has definitely improved much since then. But the thought of having one member less....and soon another will just drift away too....thinking he's too old to be involved in such a celebration and that he will rather be out somewhere else....how selfish!

2005-11-02T00:45:00.000-08:00

Today(1st of November) is really filled with fun and laughter. Went to Plaza Singapura, which wasn't the fun part cause it was super boring. However, the fun-ness picked it up when we (my besties and i) went to Bugis to get a bag. Then, we went to Geylang! for me, it's like the 9th time? I just went the day before in fact and there i was again. Lol. Super- duper crowded and infested with M&Ms but on the whole it was ok. New experience for my besties. Glad they enjoyed it.

Anyway, there are many many many thoughts that i want to pen down but i don't know where i should start.

I was surfing through my friends' blogs and i was quite envious of their blogs. It's the contents that i am most attracted to. All the blogs seem to have very enticing and exciting contents that make readers to want to continue and read more. I feel my blog lacks that enticement and attraction. I don't know. What do you think, my ardent readers?

And yes while surfing through the blogs as well, i thought about my life. This year is coming to an end and like all the years i will always reflect on what i have done for that particular year. I would have to say the year that has been most fulfilling and fantastic was 2004. Simply fabulous.

This year.....what can i say
I feel really lost this year. Comparing to the previous year, i do not feel as fulfilled. It seems i have not accomplished much. In fact, i feel that i have lost a lot. Everything seems to be in a mess. My life is not getting anywhere, it's not progressing. Letting go was never a problem for me. Spiritually, i felt a little distant. I feel there isn't any spiritual growth. My life is somewhat sedentary. I don't know. I have never been more confused, never been more unsettled. There's no one path.

2005-10-31T14:50:00.000-08:00

Today was Higher Malay paper. I thought it was ok. Hopefully i am able to get a decent grade. An A1 will do just fine. Hee. Ok..well i am supposed to be ready and prepared cause i am going to Geylang later with my sec school peeps..Whee~~ does that call for a celebration? I don't know.

Finally, the holidays are here. Another cause of celebration. I am getting my well-deserved rest but nonetheless i am not going to waste this holidays doing nothing. I am going out and of course study. There is a lot of catching up to do. I don't want to be getting mediocre if not lousy marks again next year. I was given a super lecture by my aunt regarding my Promo results..grr..wait till my mum knows about it. I am so going to die.

"WHERE ARE YOUR As!! YOU DON'T WANNA STUDY ANYMORE IS IT!!"

that's a snippet of what my mum would say or scream i should say..lol..

Two more days to Hari Raya!!! Whee again!!! I am getting all excited....but.....i am not THAT KEEN to visit my relatives. I bet there is going to be a lot of scornful remarks lash out. Hurting words. Oh well whatever, i will just act nonchalant and pull a long face..Yup yup.. Their attitudes just piss me off, TOTALLY. ok whatever.

i am listening to the songs while typing this. Is there a hidden agenda behind it?
I was a DJ for an hour! whee

Untitled

2005-10-26T23:48:00.000-07:00

Hey ThErE!

i am not sure of what title i should put for this entry, thus after cracking this puny brain of mine, i have decided to give it "untitled" as a title.

Two more days of school and it's over! Holidays are here! Finally! Whee!

Tomorrow, i will be going on air on Ria, 89.7FM. Excited? A little. Nervous and scared? A lot! I hope i will do a good job tomorrow and who knows i may be talent-spotted to be a DJ, a training DJ at least (insya-Allah). This is what i have always wanted to do since i was ten years old. Being able to work with the media, getting in touch with the lives of other people. I want to help people, i want to inspire people, i want to add value into other people's lives. In short, i want to be a positive role model.

Hence, currently i am working to be someone who can manage his time well. He is able to prioritise and ensure that his life is in order, or so at least it looks like. He is sure of what he wants in life. He wants to be strong mentally and be and appear confident. He wants to show to others that he has total control of his life and he is well-aware of the direction he is heading.However, can i be that "he"?

I may appear confident, i may appear strong on the outside, i may appear as though i have my life in order and in control but to tell the truth i don't. I am constantly bugged by what others think and say of me. I do have considerable low self-esteem. My life is in a mess with no head or tail, it's everywhere. I swallow the hardships and insults but at the end of the day, i run and hide in the corner which i call my own bomb shelter. There, i will weep like a baby and let myself disintegrate, collapse. When the morning comes, the masquerading as a confident and tough person continues.

The cycle goes on.

The flames die one by one, slowly...Just like the memories we shared, erased.

Resignation

2005-10-23T23:35:00.000-07:00

Hello there!

ok..seriously...this entry has nothing to do with the title Resignation. I just think that "Resignation" is a very good title for a blg entry. A very suggestive word. Come on, what do you really think when you see "resignation"? Tender resignation right? Well, here comes enlightenment. Resignation can also be used in another context. For example, resignation from life, resignation to fate and providence.

"Resignation" was also a composition title that was given in an examination at Hai Sing. Being the person who was oblivious and unaware, i was also one of the many who interpreted resignation as quiting a job, which was of course boring and cliche. I didn't really think out of the box then. Nonetheless, i still managed to achieve a decent mark of 23/30. It is considered good especially by Hai Sing's standard.

Ok enough of that rubbish. Did i tell you that PW actually suck to the core? Ok..PW suck to the core! There's so much to do. It sucks especially because you have to work with others thus, you have to be extra extra responsible and ensure that you be a responsible and committed member less you might just get screwed by your team members. Oh btw, i fall into that category.

Oh yeah..my brother is watching IT now. Anyone knows what show is that? It's adapted from a book by Stephen King. It's about this clown named Pennywise who goes after children and kill them. It instills fear in children so that it can manifest and kill these children. I say this show should not be shown to kids else it will scare the sh*t out of them with stuffs to do with clown and what nots.

To end it all, from the words of Pennywise:

Would you like a balloon?

Hello hello!

2005-10-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

Hey there!

Today, my school opened its doors to the public.

OPEN HOUSE

Ok...we did not really have an overwhelming response but the turn out was not THAT bad. So it was okay..

Well, i was down for duty. Brought them groups of people around the school, trying hard to influence them to choose TPJC as their choice of school.

It was REALLY a TIRING DAY. Been walking around the whole school and to quote Mr Yazid, "stop looking busy". I doubt i looked all that busy. In fact i wasn't. There was nothing much to do! But anyways...

Today was also the third Friday prayer that i went which means that i have one more to go before it's Hari Raya! Whee!! (trying to sound really excited about it...herh herh)

For those of you out there who are wondering what crap i am talking about....I am actually counting down to Hari Raya..Hence, i am actually using this method where i use Friday prayers as the measurement...I have to go for Friday Prayers for four weeks (four times) before it's the Hari Raya week..Understand?? Ok..nvm...just have to know that it's one more Friday prayer and comes the Hari Raya week. Sounds shorter and faster eh?? Yup yup..sure does...

Oh yeah..an extension to this morning's entry....it's working...it's going away albeit slowly...yup yup...

Classic example of food whores/

Weariness

2005-10-21T01:30:00.000-07:00

Hello there.

Hmm...a week more to holidays and 2 weeks more to Hari Raya! Whee!! Have been having DVD cum storybook marathons nowadays. I rented a few DVDs to watch at home, among which are The Craft (really old movie 1996), 40 Days and 40 Nights, Be With You, IT (yet another old movie) and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Have yet to watch Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind though.

Anyway, here's something that you might probably wanna think about

Have you ever come to a point where enough is enough (it's never enough) ok..kidding..not that

Anyway, have you ever come to a point where you really feel tired of pinning hope on to something? You know very well that you can never realise that dream but you are too afraid that if you're going to let go, you might actually be a step closer to realising that dream. However, when in retrospect, you realised you have actually wasted a lot of time hoping for something that is never meant to be yours. You call yourself dumb cause you're fully aware of the disappointing results you're abound to get.

And then there you go finally letting it go but before you know it, it actually comes back to haunt you. It returns to sow the hopeful seeds again. You have no choice but to actually succumb to it. There it goes again, the vicious cycle. At the end of it all, you're the one who's losing out and hurt. Is it ever worth it then?

As for me, i know i have to let go some day and that day has actually come, right here, right now. I'm really tired of this race that i partook, clearly knowing what i will get in return is nothing but mere disappointments. I hate myself for succumbing and reaching that stage but how much can i really stop myself from doing it? This weariness has consumed me so much that i have totally lost all will to pin anymore hopes. The efforts put in reaped nothingess. So i'm letting go, no longer afraid that i might actually be one step closer to realising it. If it were meant to be, it would have happened ages ago.

Finally, coming to terms with myself. Feels good to eventually settle down (not marriage).

2005-10-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm in school now in the MLEP room waiting for Professor Sam's class at 1.30.

School was okay for me today.

Did nothing for PE since i did not want to tire myself out. It will be a long day for me. After school, at 4.10, i am having this meeting regarding the open house which will be held on 21 October (this Friday) Hopefully the meeting will not end late.

As for Econs, we went through the Promotional papers. Was really enlightening for me especially finding out what went wrong. A part of me feels sad and disappointed but another feels rather thankful that i committed the mistakes now. Whatever it is, i still feel depressed over my results. This is in accordance to the dead weight lose concept. Even though there is government intervention,there will still be welfare loss. Okay, that aside.

On to a more serious note. I feel really down and depressed these days (alliteration) albeit the fact that Hari Raya is two weeks or so away. I do not know what is the cause of this depression and probably even if i do, i doubt i can do anything about it which has always been the case.

Is it a phase that i am going through? Even if it is, then i have to say i have a lot of phases that i have been and will be going through.

It really sucks to feel sad and depressed but whoever actually said that being sad and depressed rocks. Anyway, i have to go now. She's here. I will continue later.

Sign Off.

Promos beckoning..Four more days

2005-09-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

Ok...promos are coming...stressed...worried....know me...i am a big worry wart....

Anyway, a lot has happened for the past weeks.....i don know where to start...

I just don't know.

oh yes I HATE LITERATURE

Tak guna ada mata kalau tak dapat melihat
Tak guna ada hati kalau tak tahu menilai

-inilah satu- satunya untuk kau yang telah jauh pergi, yang tidak mungkin akan menjadi milikku-

Say if you love something let it go
If it comes back it's yours
That's how you know

Sick and Pissed

2005-08-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

As some of you might have known, i finally fell ill on Tuesday. The doctor gave me a day's off but it didn't get better. So i went to the doctor again on Thursday and the doctor told me i had a lung infection(somewhere along that line) So i asked him whether it was serious, he smiled and didn't reply. Ok...i know...that was creepy. Anyway, i think i might just get better soon. I have to! Monday is Speech Day at Hai Sing. I am collecting my prize.

Yesterday, my class went for our learning journey trip to Asian Civilisation Museum, ACM for short. It was a fruitful trip. There were the Vatican exhibits which were the highlights of the ACM. A Journey Of Faith they call it. Cool? Any jealous people out there?

However, as much as the trip was enjoyable and fruitful, the whole class was not actually there. There were only 14 people(supposed to be 15) with Firda. Quite pissed and disappointed, really. Where is the class unity and class spirit that we always bragged about? The coorperation and bond that we are so proud of? The we-are-one-united-class that we go around showing to other people? Think about it.

Probably, there has never been at all. It is only contained among the few of us while the others are just there. We and others could have been deluded all this while by the oh-we-are-so-united sh*t. We were not and likely never will be. So the next time, to say that "oh i am so jealous of 05A02. They are a such united bunch." think about it first.

I know i may sound crude but that is the truth. This is something that we should think about. It is a sad truth indeed. Anyone who begs to differ is welcomed. This is my two cents worth.

Stripped

2005-07-27T22:45:00.000-07:00

From the title i am sure all of you might have guessed that i'm going all naked...sorry to have disappoint all of you but I'M NOT!

Stripped just means that i am coming clean about everything. Like i am "disintegrating" myself for others to see what is it in me, what goes on in my daily life. Hence the name of my blog:Stripped. It is for all of you to know more about myself and the humdrum of my life.

What have i been busy with these days:
1)School work
I'm working on being a model student, ensuring that i complete all assignments due. It also includes studying fervently for my tests and exams.
2)Council
I'm a councillor, so naturally i have projects after projects, events after events to plan.
3)St John
I'm working hard on training my juniors so that they will get the best from me.
4)Family
I am also being a good son, ensuring that i spend enough time with my mother.

As you can see, i am not enjoying myself. I don't have time for my own social life. So to those out there who think that i have forgotten about you and have found new friends to hang around with, thus chucking you guys aside, YOU'RE WRONG!

I don't even have time for myself.

Back

2005-07-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

I'm back by popular demand.

Sorry to those who have been eagerly waiting for my updates. I have been reall busy these days and i am also quite lazy to update. The hassle of typing and ensuring that it is gramatically correct and the expressions aren't wrong. Anyway, this is the latest update of myself.

National Competition had just passed, on 1oth Of July. It was a melancholic event. My team didn't win. I was very depressed. We were expected to win. Everyone had faith in us that we would win. I am sorry to have disappoint those who came down to lend their support to me. I am also sorry to my team members who wanted so much to win. I guess luck wasn't on our side.
You guys did well! Trust me.

On to my results for Common Test. I think i did fairly well.
MLEP: C
History: C
Economics: D
Literature: E
AO Math: F9

Math is an embarrassment. Anyway, i have never been good at Math except in primary school. Math has always been my weakest subject. That's why i wasn't posted to the Science Stream in Sec. 3. That aside.

I am in Student Council in TPJC. I am also one of the EXCO members: Head Of Community Service. Sounds bad? I think so too. Hey, being in EXCO is good enough ok!

I have been really depressed these few days. I am not too sure why though. I think it's the post depression competition syndrome. I think i have bipolar syndrome as well. Don't worry ppl, it's not a chronic disease. I won't die as yet. So you will still have a piece of me. =)

I think it's just the workload and constant pressure by others. Probably some other stuffs as well............

I hope this depression goes away.

I also want to take this opportunity to those i have been neglecting these days. I have not forgotten you guys but i am really busy. I am really sorry. I hardly have time for myself as well. I am not having enough sleep as well. So i am really sorry. I will keep in touch ASAP yeah?

That's all for now. I am not sure when is the next time i will blog again. But do look out.
CIAO

Back from Hiatus

2005-06-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

I'm back!!! Yeah!! Braved through the three camps without falling sick. Big feat for me!!
Here's an overview of what happened.
We won for Singapore-Malaysia Competition. The stay at the hotel was really really cool.I really miss those peeps. :( Great bunch of ppl.Those laughters and jokes and screams are but only memories now.
Learnt a lot from the MLEP camp. Went shopping at Campus Mall!!Cool shopping centre!!LOL..
Had night walk for Student Council camp.Admit was scared at first but on the course if it, was really fun and exciting!!
Bonded with the SC people.Great bunch of people.Really nice knowing them.Miss them as well.
I have to say the hotel stay was the best!Ok..hotel..duh...anyway...
Yesterday had class bbq with the A02 peeps.both current and old ones.Really miss them.Enjoyed the time.really.
Many thanks to Jingfang who took over my duty and helped to coordinate with it while i was away. She did a great job!three cheers for her! The bbq went smoothly. Everyone enjoyed thoroughly.
Now, it's time to hit the books! I am worried i might just.....ok...i shan't say....
That's all for now readers...but be back to read the updates!
CIAO

Shool Holidays

2005-06-02T23:20:00.000-07:00

The holidays are finally here. However, i am still as busy. I have Singapore-Malaysia Competition on the 4 to 6 following MLEP camp on the 7 to 9 and finally council camp on 10 to 13. Herh. I thought i could get a good break and study.Oh wells..gotta start cracking soon..

I'm giving up. This has proven to be tough for me. I am tired of having to be the one initiating everything without having nothing in return. Let's just lead our own lives. We're two different people. You're up there while i'm down here. Our paths will never cross. Even if they do, it's just for you to ask for directions,nothing more. I am but only a normal being, a normal friend. I am a fool to believe i would find something good in you, a substitution i would be happy with. You'll never substitute the one that has left me. You're nowhere near.

A little Confession

2005-05-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

It is not like everyday that we get to tell our friends how much we treasure them. Although how busy our life may get, we should take some time to reminisce and tell our friends how much they mean to us and how much we treasure them.

To Kalis and Kangyong:
You guys don't know how much i love the both of you.
Although i may be always busy and seem that i don't care, but deep down i really do.
I really miss you guys. Both of you are the pillars of life. I really treasure this beautiful friendship we share. I will give up everything just to be with the both of you forever.

It's raining

2005-05-15T00:08:00.000-07:00

It's raining really heavily now. The thunder and lightning come along with it. It's a cold night. Dark and scary. It adds on to the lonesome feeling. It creates a feeling of foreboding. I heard the ambulance siren. Something bad must have happened in this rain.

I have been feeling really down these days. I am not exactly sure what is going wrong with me. Is it school? Or is it something else that is evoking this feeling in me? I feel all alone. I feel lost. I feel hurt. I feel sad. I feel that a piece of me is gone. I feel myself crumbling to a million pieces. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer. The air i am breathing is polluted. I am choking.

GP lesson last Friday was the first lesson that i actually slept in throughout my whole schooling years. I felt really bad. But i couldn't help it. I was lethargic. Not to forget the unknown sadness that was overwhelming me. I just couldn't give a damn that time anymore. All i needed was a good nap. I got it. Luckily, my GP tutor was lenient and nice. She didn't say anything about it. Phew~~

I am glad there isn't Singma training tomorrow. I can concentrate on completing my homework. My undone essay. If not for the prestige, i would have quitted long time ago. I will hold on. I need someone to motivate and push me. But wait, i am at my limit now. Any further, i will just crumble and collapse. Dead, probably.

You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend
I just don't wanna be your friend
You don't know what you want
Neither do you. You're just too scared that somebody might actually wanna be with you
And why would that scare me?
It's because you can't hide behind your books (boobS??), your freaking telescope or, or your faith
No, you know the reason why you're scared?
It's because you wanna be with me too.

Missing

2005-05-04T22:40:00.000-07:00

I miss my friends. I miss those days. I miss the times when we hang out. I miss our hanging-out-at-the 24-hour coffeesop-till-wee-hours activity.

Why must you happen in my life?
Leave me now
Go away from here

Would you stay for me?
I'm afraid of losing you
I don't want to wake up finding that you're gone

Haven't you hurt me enough?
You're near yet so far
It would be better if you're gone

Would you be there for me like i hope you would?
Don't leave me
I don't want this emptiness in me

Settled down.

2005-04-30T01:00:00.000-07:00

I've finally settled down nicely in my JC after 4 agonising months. I've finally come to terms with myself and straighten out my thoughts. I should just take it slow. One step at a time. I will have to make the best out of JC now since there's no turning back. There's no use looking back. What's there is the future. The future which is interesting yet holds mysteries.

I am not xenophobic. I love to meet new people and learn new stuffs. It's what i would call upgrading oneself. That's what JC life provides. (not that poly doesn't but heck.) Meeting ppl from different walks of life, with different attitudes, characters..

However, what i feel sad most bout is the fact that we're 17 but we still have to conform to stupid school rules. Not only that, the education journey in JC only lasts for two years. How much is there to look for?

But whatever it is, this is the path that i have chosen to take. i do not know what may happen in the future but what can happen has to depend on me. I am the one who's controlling and moulding my future with the blessings of God, of course. So whatever is going to happen will start from now. At this moment.

Aku kini tidak lagi mempercayaimu.
Kau berubah dengan sekelip mata.
Aku tidak memahamimu.
Semua kata-katamu adalah dusta.
Semua perjanjianmu tidak kau taati.
Dusta.

Facade??

2005-04-23T23:20:00.000-07:00

My officers treated us to dinner at Rice Table near Centrepoint today. It's a reward for us clinching four champions for our Zone Competition. The food was nice and spicy! Yum~~ Anyway, as usual, we made a nuisance of ourselves. We cracked lame, "cold" jokes. As it was like buffet-style, we could eat as much as we want. However, here is a little different. There are waiters and waitresses attending to us. We need not do the usual stuffs like gathering food from the main table. We just had to tell them which dishes that we want more and they would serve them to us. Well..the service is very much commendable.

As you can see from the title i have, facade or pretence. I have been pondering on whether all along i have been putting up a facade to people. All the niceness and sweetness. Was it all an act of pretence? Is it like me to be nice to people, giving in to everything they demand from me, everything they want me to be. Am i a conformist?

Probably, subconsciuously, i may not be even good after all. I might just be living in delusion that i am nice and sweet and kind(urgh) but deep down what i want to be is mean, nonchalant, aloof, individualistic and not forgetting egotistical. I was probably supposed to be the "biatch" who makes other people's lives miserable and topsy-turvy. So the next time, i smile and be nice to you, i might not actually mean it.

Kehilanganmu oh kasih
Tak sanggup ku menghadapi
Tuhan sesungguhnya, Kau lebih mengerti

Pedih menyaksikan dikau dan dia
Pilu air mata kasih mengalir di pipi
Hampa impianku luka berdarah
Mana harusku bawa hati yang kecewa

Dancefest

2005-04-23T01:50:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Khai and Dian for winning the second and first position respectively for the Dancefest. You guys did great!

Today's or yesterday's (to be exact) Dancefest was a blast! The groups were really fantastic. The dances deserve kudos. I was indeed in awe. After that, we had this mini clubbing session where everyone on the floor was allowed to dance. It brought back memories of the OG night.The hall was not full lit and the music was booming. At first, i hadn't found anyone to dance with me but after that, managed to grab a few friends to hit the dancefloor. The music played was awesome. Everyone was engaged in the dance. There were professional dancers as well.

Credit has to indeed go to Mr Dan, my civic tutor. He is the dance teacher-in-charge. With his members from the dance club, he spearheaded this event which was really not a waste of the five dollars for the ticket. He even displayed some of his moves while we had the free dance. He's really flexible. Kudos to him as well. However, amidst the fun i had, some stuffs kept going through my mind. Though the dancefest was really a blast, i couldn't enjoy myself to the fullest.
I was reminded of that certain event that took place several days ago. Those words sweet to the ears, pleasant to the heart. The flame that was burning the passion.

I saw you standing there
You were in a mob of people
You didn't seem to notice me
But you could have
and had just didn't want to come up to me

I saw you with another person
You were, erm, close
Intimate
A sudden pain seared through me
My heart was shattered into a million pieces

Probably i was hoping too much
Probably i was pinning too much
I thought probably we could happen
But it was only probably.

I am torn.

Bahasa Melayu

2005-03-24T22:26:00.000-08:00

Diari hari ini akan ditulis dengan menggunakan bahasa Melayu. Sebabnya adalah saya harus menggilap penggunaan bahasa Melayu saya. Setelah beberapa bulan saya tidak mengguna bahasa Melayu. Dengan itu, diari pada hari ini dapat menjadi permulaan untuk saya.

Pertama sekali, ingin saya katakan bahawa hari Sabtu ialah hari jadi Kalis. Saya telah membeli minyak wangi sebagai hadiah baginya. Tambahan, saya telah membeli sebuah buku di Times yang bertajuk "1000 Reasons You're My Friend". Di dalam terkandung kata-kata pendorong, nasihat dan sebagainya. Kesemuanya, saya telah menghabiskan hampir-hampir seratus dolar membeli hadiah-hadiah tersebut tetapi ia berbaloi. Saya harap dia suka akan hadiah-hadiah yang akan diberi kepadanya.

Saya telah menonton Miss Congeniality kedua di panggung wayang GV di pusat membeli-belah Tampines Mall dengan rakan-rakan semaktab saya. Ceritanya agak menarik dan lucu. Untuk pengetahuan anda semua, perkataan "kelakar" bukan bahasa formal. Sebaliknya, lucu atau berjenaka patut digunakan. Memang tidak boleh dinafikan bahawa selang beberapa hari lepas, saya telah memboros. Tidak sedikit perasaan serba salah pun tercetus di dalam sanubari ini. Hanya perasaan puas kerana telah mendapat apa yang diinginkan. Waduh!

Saya pun telah berjanji dengan diri sendiri untuk memberi lebih perhatian kepada pelajaraan saya selepas kursus tiga bulan di maktab. Dengan itu, saya telah mengabil keputusan untuk mula mengulangkaji semula apa yang telah diajar semasa tiga bulan lepas. Impian saya adalah untuk mendapat semua A bagi mata pelajaran yang akan saya ambil di peringkat A kelak nanti iaitu Ekonomi, Sastera, Sejarah, Program Bahasa Melayu Lanjutan, Kertas Umum, Kertas Melayu peringkat AO dan kertas Matematik peringkat AO. Insya-allah.

Akhir kata, saya ingin mengakhiri diari ini dengan phrasa yang amat saya setujui sekali:

"Derita bukanlah jalan yang singkat untuk memusnahkan diri sendiri."

A debt to be paid

2005-03-22T21:32:00.000-08:00

Ok...This entry will solely be based on my two bestest friends who are Kalis and Kang Yong.

You might be asking who they are. They were from Hai Sing Catholic School. We were classmates during our Sec 1 and 2 days. However, due to some unforseen events, we were separated to different classes and they were in the same class. But, we still managed to sustain this wonderful friendship till now.

We did many enjoyable things together. For example, we never fail to take neoprints whenever we are out together. The results of the neoprints will undoubtedly be perfect. Probably, due to the strong bond we have. It's like this unspoken thing we have. Apart from that, we also frequent the beaches of Sentosa, Orchard Road, Cineleisure, pool. And of course, the activity that we recently picked up is chilling out at the 24-hour coffeeshop at Pasir Ris Central till the wee hours. Then Kang Yong and i would have to share a cab home while fortunate Kalis can just walk home. That's beside the point. The point is we do have fun just sitting down reminiscing the good old memories drinking Chrysanthemum( for me).

2005 is an altogether new phase for us. We will be going on to our different ways yet again. I will be staying in TPJC with 2 points, Kalis will be going to MJC while Kang Yong will be going to Singapore Poly, Biotech.( lucky him) This yet proves to be a challenge to us. A test to really prove the strength of our friendship. We may not be physically together but as long as we have one another in our hearts, that matters most. Going on to our different routes also signal the beginning of new friendships. Though i may forged new friendships, they will never be able to replace the old ones. The old ones are here to stay, forever.

In 4 days time, it will be Kalis' 17th birthday. She's the first followed by mine and then Kang Yong's. Like the past years, this year's celebration will not be anything short. It will instead be much better. It will be.

Nobody's Home
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,

She felt it everyday.

And I couldn't help her,

I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.

You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.

Be strong, be strong now.

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

Separation is part and parcel of life

2005-03-21T23:15:00.000-08:00

Today is officially the last day of the 3-month course in Junior Colleges. After the posting results are out tomorrow, everyone(almost everyone) will be heading their own ways, either remaining in JC or going on to the Polytechnic route.

My class, 05A02 was formed on 17 January 2005. We came from different secondary schools with different cultures. We hitted off immediately.

It was a pleasant greeting by Sarah, a girl from Evergreen Secondary School. She was greeting everyone who sat at the 05A02 row, including me. She was bubbly, hyperactive and friendly. She was soon elected as the class representative.

Then it came down to knowing the other classmates:
Temasek Secondary School:
Dian(a pretty and sweet girl. she became my hanging-out mate)
Jing Fang(cute in all her actions.she was part of my clique)
Hui Chun(the younger sister of my senior in St John.vv unique past time which is....)
Queenie(she has a really sweet smile)

Tanjong Katong Girls' School:
Aishah(pretty, friendly girl.shocked to find out she wears tudung)
Syafiqah(really cute and humorous.another one that shocked me)
Rosiati(my bahas mate)
Shalina(the MIA)

Others:
Benjamin,Loyang Sec(a really music freak.loves bowling and street soccer as well.accident-prone)
Siva,Victoria(class orator)
Jeshua,St Andrews(really smart in Humanities)
Kay wee,Marists(quiet yet friendly at the same time)
Yasmeen,Crescent Girls(really hyper,articulate,high)
Pei Ling,Tanjong Katong(has this cute spastic,mudddleheaded look)
Si Hui,St Anthony(another member of SJAB,funny in her own ways)
Deborah,Bedok View(funny and real friendly)
Amie,Geylang Methodist(friendly,a really great singer!)
Khairul,Tampines JC(like a big brother to all of us,friendly)

And the Hai Sing Catholic:
Nicole
Xin Ling
Marilene

So these are the people that make up the wondeful class of 05A02. I am really going to miss those who are leaving while those who are staying, let's strive to work hard! Let's realise our dreams. I just want to wish those who are leaving all the best and keep in touch! It's not the ending but merely a beginning of a new phase. Don't be sad that it's ending but be happy cause it happened.

...

2005-03-20T22:45:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow school resumes. *bleagh* I hate school now. I am not sure why but it isn't like Hai Sing at all. I remember how i looked forward to going to school in Hai Sing everyday. I couldn't wait for the holidays to end. However, now, i'm just finding excuses not to go to school. I am waiting for public holidays. Is it just a passing phase?

Family Potrait

Momma please stop cryin,

I can't stand the sound

Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down

I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed

I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you said
You fight about money, bout me and my brother

And this I come home to, this is my shelter

It ain't easy growin up in World War III

Never knowin what love could be, you'll see

I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?

I promise I'll be better,

Mommy I'll do anything

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?

I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave
Daddy please stop yellin, I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around

My mama she loves you, no matter what she says its true

I know that she hurts you, but remember I love you, too
I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away

Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have no choice, no way

It ain't easy growin up in World War III

Never knowin what love could be,

well I've seen I don't want love to destroy me like it did my family
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?

I promise I'll be better,

Mommy I'll do anything Can we work it out? Can we be a family?

I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy

Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally

I don't wanna have to split the holidays

I don't want two addresses

I don't want a step-brother anyways

And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name
In our family portrait we look pretty happy

We look pretty normal, let's go back to that

In our family portrait we look pretty happy

Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally
In our family portrait we look pretty happy

(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)

We look pretty normal, let's go back to that

(I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll doanything)

In our family portrait we look pretty happy

(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)

Let's play pretend act and like it comes sonaturally

(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don'tleave)

In our family portrait we look pretty happy

(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)

We look pretty normal, let's go back to that

(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don'tleave)
Daddy don't leave Daddy

don't leave Daddy don't leave

Turn around please

Remember that the night you left you took my shining star?

Daddy don't leave Daddy don't leave

Daddy don't leave Don't leave us here alone
Mom will be nicer

I'll be so much better,

I'll tell my brother

Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner

I'll be so much better,

I'll do everything right

I'll be your little boy forever

I'll go to sleep at night

Returned

2005-03-19T21:15:00.000-08:00

I'm really really really tired today. I had just returned from my camp at Hai Sing. Well, the reason i am really tired now is because i only slept at 3 this morning and woke up at 7am. As usual, i was joking around with my juniors in the bunk. I admit i was being inconsiderate to those who were trying to sleep. I apologise.

What i did was i was "sleeping" around with Jun Wei, Andy, Reuben and Josiah. Oops..that sounded so wrong. :P I was trying to find the best spot to squeeze to sleep because i didn't bring my sleeping bag along, thinking that it was such a hassle to bring it only for a night. So firstly, i slept with Andy. Then, i crawled to in between Josiah and Reuben and lay there. After that, i went to Jun Wei's side. However, it was uncomfortable so i went back to Andy's spot. Subsequently, i went back to Josiah's spot and lay there. Finally, i went back to Andy's spot and soon fell asleep. (Reuben makes a good bolster :P)

Woke up at 7 am and went to shower. Break camp at 6 pm and shared a cab with Stanley and Derick home. By then, i was tired, hot and sticky.

I'm Ok

Once upon a time there was a girl

In her early years she had to learn

How to grow up living in a war that she called home

Never know just where to turn for shelter from the storm

Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face

Everytime my father's fist would put her in her place

Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room

Hoping it would be over soon
Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same

And I still remember how you kept me so afraid

Strength is my mother for all the love she gave

Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday

And I'm OK
I often wonder why I carry all this guilt

When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built

Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door

The echo of a broken child screaming "please no more"

Daddy, don't you understand the damage you have done

To you it's just a memory, but for me it still lives on
Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same

And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid

Strength is my mother for all the love she gave

Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
It's not so easy to forget

All the lines you left along her neck

When I was thrown against cold stairs

And every day I'm afraid to come homeIn fear of what I might see there
Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same

And I still remember how you kept me so afraid

Strength is my mother for all the love she gave

Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday

And I'm OK

I'm OK

Weary

2005-03-17T22:45:00.000-08:00

I am really tired today. To top it off, i will be having a camp tomorrow at Hai Sing till Saturday. It's a two-day-one-night camp. I have not completed my pending tutorials which i have promised to do. I have not read my lecture notes for History as revision. I am really worried now. I am really lost in class now. What about Reign Of Terror and all. I really need to find time.

I'm vying for your attention but somehow i feel that i don't mean much to you. Maybe i'm too caught up with how i feel till i've failed to realise that i might not even have a place in your heart. Hm..enlighten me.

Holidays are coming to an end. On Sunday, i will be having that dumb Colours training. I don't give a damn actually being the escort for the Brigade Colour even though the officers are being hoo-ha about it. Anyway, on a positive note, i will get to.........

The greatest pain in life is to do and have done so much for someone but nothing was done in return except ignorance.

I think i'm really bad at writing blog entries. I have seen others' blogs and each of their entries are like an essay long. Mine is just simple and sweet and not forgetting the rudimentary language. I'm not cut out to write probably. I hardly use big, sophisticated words....

I am not asking for pity and sympathy, nothing of that sort. I will keep quiet, withdrawn, live in my own world.

Wonderful day!

2005-03-15T22:30:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day! Well, i went out with my JC classmates to have lunch at Seoul Garden at Taka. It was really expensive or so i thought. Maybe i am really on a tight budget now(yeah, so i heard from the rest as well)Anyway, the food was okay but i didn't really enjoy it. Not that i am a bad cook or anything, but the food just isn't.........great? I don't know.

Next, we went to East Coast Park to cycle and some went rollerblading. Amie and I rode the tandom bicycle as she didn't know how to cycle. It was really sweet of her to say that i am the only one who wanted to ride with her. So we cycled and talked. It was better to ride on the tandom in a sense that i had someone to talk to so it won't be dry and boring cycle. It was very hot but it was a good form of exercise.

Evening soon came. Everyone wanted to go home. Bleagh. I wanted to stay out and chill out. However, i could not find anyone to hang around with. Thankfully, Yasmeen agreed to have dinner with me at Bedok Interchange. I ate Fried Rice and Mutton Chop. I was really hungry.

While having our dinner, Yas and i talked about a lot of stuffs. Mostly was about parenting.
She has this very interesting perspective of parenting.

After that, we went our separate ways and i went home eventually.

As promised

2005-03-14T22:00:00.000-08:00

And yes, as promised, i will update my blog regularly. So here it is for today...

It started out as a fine day. I went to Outram for my medical checkup and had decided to meet up with Kalis and Kang Yong for lunch at Bugis. Since it was only 11.30am and we had decided to meet at 1.30pm at the control station, i had decided to go down to Beach Road to check out the cheap clothes today.

So there i was. I bought a tee-shirt which cost $8. It was brown. Cheap cheap indeed! So i was walking around the shops when something freaky happened. This is not the first time it happened.

Well this is what happened. I was outside one the shops looking into the shop when one Mat came walking towards me. I thought he was just some pesky Mat and being me, the anti- Mat, i gave no attention. So, he came towards me and stood behind me. He was really close. I felt uneasy. So i decided to walk around and he followed me. At first, i thought he was going to rob me or something. Sounds stupid but yeah, i was indeed clueless of what he wanted. Then, i decided to stand outside the shop and waited for his next move. Apparently, he stopped as well and leant against the railing. Then, he tapped my elbow and i turned around.
He asked me whether i was alone(in Malay) and he had to repeat it thrice before i got what he asked. Thankfully, i was quick and said that i was waiting for a friend. I could tell he was disappointed when he heard that. Frightened and freaked, i walked off and headed straight to the MRT station.

On the way there, i called Kalis and told her what had happened. I felt really cursed to have such cases happening to me twice. The first time i was stalked by this Chinese guy from Orchard Mrt Station to Bugis Mrt Station!!, only to tell me that i looked familiar to him. What weird and eccentric people!! I am not sure whether these two guys are actually gays or something and i don't really want to know. Do i carry this tag which says "I am a Gay Magnet"?

For one, i am not exactly good looking or cute or well- built. So, i don't see why i must fall into such situations. God Knows.

Anyway, enough of that. So i met up with Kalis and Kang Yong at Bugis. Kalis was late.
Then, we went to have our supposed LUNCH at BURGER KING! How interesting.......
Anyway....after that, we continued with our favourite which was Neo-print taking! However, the results weren't good. At least not as good as those at Cineleisure. We decided then to go down to Pavilion to pool but the place was packed! We just walked around TM and played at the arcade.
At 4.30pm, we left and departed for our destinations.

That's about it for today. I'm no longer freaked out by what happened but i really do hope it won't happen for the third time.

Back Again

2005-03-13T21:45:00.000-08:00

I am back again. I know i have been missing for some time and many have been asking me why. Well, let's just say i am lazy. However, i have made a promise to myself that i will try my best to update my blog. So to those who always visit my blog but don't see much, fret not, i will update it regularly.

Ok first thing first. Many or probably some of you might be interested to know my results for the O levels examinations. Well, not to boast or anything. I had got straight As (7 distinctions) with 8 points. These are my individual scores:

English: A2(damn, wanted a 1)
Mathematics: A2(ah....nice!!!2 is enough for me =) )
Combined Humanities: A1(an improvement of a grade from Prelims)
Combined Science: A1(consistent)
Design And Technology: A1(thankfully, i didn't let Mr Chiam down)
Principles Of Accounts: A2(should have been a 1.sorry Mdm Zaibon :( )
Malay: A1 (must get!)
Malay (Oral/ Aural): Distinction

On the whole, i am jubilant to have received these results. I have been praying so hard for them. What i am really happy about was my Math. If you hadn't known, i really suck at Math. I thought i screwed up the paper seeing that i did not complete both papers. I thought i would get a 3. For the rest, it was ok.

With 8 points, i have decided to just stay in TPJC. Crazy? Silly decision? TJC still appeals to me. I really had a hard time choosing which JC to go to. In the end, i decided to stay because of MLEP. I am not sure whether i have made the right choice but i must make sure i have.

I cannot wait for the day when i will receive my A level results. Straight As again. That will be just great! For now, i will have to work hard to realise that dream.

As a reward for my excellent results, my mother and brother had bought me an IPOD Mini. I felt really guilty because it was $318. So i could call it guilty pleasure actually.

Other than that, i really miss my bestest friends from Hai Sing:
Kalis and Kang Yong

I wonder when i will be able to go out with them again.

Not to forget my pals from 4E4 and others as well. I really miss those Hai Sing days.

If only i could turn back time.

Boring day, boring life.

2005-02-25T22:30:00.000-08:00

Nothing much happened today. I went to school as usual, attended my classes except for Economics' lecture *bleagh*. AO Math was fun though. Mr T is really an easy-going teacher. He's open and isn't petty. He doesn't take it to heart when we're joking.
Since, it's a Friday, i went for my prayers with Hafiz and Adam. Thank goodness, we were sitting in the shade and not under the scorching sun. *phew* After prayers, we went to TM to look for Adam's contact lenses. He needs them for GPA tomorrow. Talking about GPA, i am quite disapoointed i can't attend it. Even the dance works. Damn! Well i wish the participants all the best!
Today is unofficially the last day of JC. I doubt we will actually go to school after receving our results. Anyway, on Monday my class, A02 is going to meet up for breakfast before heading to our respective schools. So i guess it isn't all that bad. However, i am going to miss them for sure!
I wish all the O level takers the best of luck!

O Levels Jitters?

2005-02-24T23:05:00.000-08:00

i know i have not been updating my blog. It's either i dn not have the time or just pure laziness-which always happen to be the latter. Anyway, results are out on Monday. Scared? Anxious? Excited? I am not sure myself. I am quite numb to it now. If you had asked me this question a few days after the examintaion itself, i would have said yes i am. As for now, let's just say i am looking forward to it. I want to get done and over with. I want to know what is my next move. S for the question whether i would stay in TPJC or going to any JC for that matter of fact, i am still clueless. I have not decided about it yet. I know i should but i need really credible and informed sources. There are many conditions that i have to think about.

I know this blog is supposed to be a platform for me to air out my views and bare my soul daily. Well, i will definitely try hard. As for now, i wish all my friends the best of luck for Monday!

Second post

2005-02-13T23:41:00.000-08:00

Hey hey. This is my second posting. I have to thank Anastassia for her help in creating this template for me. Thank You so much.
Anyway, i am sure all of you might be wondering why Christina. For the benefit of doubt, i am a big fan of Christina. It so happened these two pictures of her have the quintessential of torn-the theme that i wanted. So here they are.

Starters

2005-02-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

Hey hey!This is my first time blogging. So pardon me. Anyway, you should know that i am not IT savvy as well. As for now, i am still trying out stuffs. I hope to get the best out of this to serve all of you better. Lol. So give me ample time and i will come up with the best!